by on Dec.19, 2009, under Original Bands

The Ugly Duckings

Nothin was the first single by early Toronto Rockers The Ugly Duckings, badass, sneering spit’n'swagger rock’n'roll played the way it was meant to sound, shaping punk and drawing lines.

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The hills are alive with the Sound of Gravy

by on Dec.18, 2009, under I'm poor

This is a Sponsored Post written by me on behalf of Club House. All opinions are 100% mine.

If you’re like me, you’ve long been fascinated by gravy, working it into your conversations at every opportunity. For example:

Ex Girlfirend: “Boo hoo hoo!”
Me: “What’s wrong dumpling?”
Ex Girlfirend: “My best friend was hit by a streetcar.”
Me: “Good Gravy! Speaking of good gravy, have you seen Club House’s new video on how to make perfect gourmet gravy? If not, watch it right now: gravy tips video!”

Obviously not everyone will admit to getting excited over gravy but trust me, everyone does. If it wasn’t true would people get nervous when it comes time to make it? Some folks get so nervous that they accidentally make gravy right in their pants. This isn’t the kind of gravy I enjoy. In fact, I frown upon it.

If you’d like to win a great gravy gift pack you should go here and sign up for the Club House gravy gift pack giveaway: newsletter sign-up and contest entry It’s like Christmas….IN DECEMBER!

One of my favorite gravy-related activities is called The Gravy Train. I got the idea from watching my ex girlfriend (a different one) fill up a gravy boat on Valentines Day. Actually, I’m barred from discussing any gravy related stories involving this particular person because of a court order forbidding public reporting or commentary. A gag-order. It’s a long story, let’s just say there were some lumps and I’ll stop right there.

Hopefully you’ve learned something useful here today about gravy. Happy holidays!

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The Reincarnation of Elvis

by on Dec.17, 2009, under Elvis

I don’t believe in ghosts and give little credence to conspiracy theories, but watching this video gave me goosebumps. For a brief second, I thought perhaps everything I knew was wrong and Elvis had never shaken his hips off this expired barbiturate of a planet to meet his eternal reward.

Without further ado, the unbelievable reincarnation of the King:

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Drink coffee until your heart explodes!

by on Dec.04, 2009, under Original Bands

This is a Sponsored Post written by me on behalf of NESCAFE. All opinions are 100% mine.

Have you ever felt tired? I haven’t, because I drink coffee that I brewed on my fantastic NESCAFE Dolce Gusto machine. If you want to get one of these funky contraptions for free, go enter the contest and win it, like a proper self-respecting troglodyte who gives his or her name to ever every contest in the world trying to get something for free.

That’s right, I said it: NESCAFÉ® Dolce Gusto™ brews coffee house-quality beverages from the convenience of your own home or castle. All you’ve gotta do is plug one of these little dew-hickeys into the thingamajig and suddenly it spurts out brown stuff.You can even make it splosh out cold things. It’s all quite dramatic!

There are seven different flavours: Caffè Lungo, Espresso, Americano, Latte Macchiato, Cappuccino, Iced Cappucino, Café Mocha…even Chococino (hot chocolate) for the kids. That’s right, teach your kids how to drink instant coffee by training them on instant hot chocolate. It’s win-win.


    You need electricity to make it work.
    Do not operate coffee machines in the bathtub.
    Do no drink coffee laced with heroin if you are pregnant.
    Coffee should be administered orally, never ingest it through your skin.
    Coffee should not be trusted with small children.
    Hot coffee can be hot, do not pour into eyes or on puppies.
    Whipped cream on your coffee does not make you taste fruity, you only appear that way. (void if you are female).
    Coffee caplets should never be bronzed and dropped from tall buildings.
    Unless the coffee otherwise requires, words importing the single number shall include the plural, and words importing the masculine gender shall include the feminine.

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Korpiklaani – Wooden Pints

by on Dec.01, 2009, under Evil

If you’ve never heard of the genre ‘Folk Metal’ I’m sure after hearing this you’ll be left scratching your head and thinking, ‘What the folk was that?’

They raise their wooden pints and they yoik and sing

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There’s men, underground
Who have never seen the sun
But they really know how to party
Little men from underground
Who have never seen the sun
But the really know how to party

They raise their wooden pints and they yoik and sing
And they fight and dance ’till the morning

Tables full, reindeer meat
And the camp fire shines and the brick walls are full candles
Tables full, wooden pints
They don’t care about their sins
They just wanna get drunk and party

Long war is now past
Only good men have lasted
They need women, meat, beer and rum
Fight battle full of blood no thoughts about god they just slaughtered killed and tormented

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Holy Microwaveable Sandwiches trips

by on Nov.19, 2009, under I'm poor

This is a Sponsored Post written by me on behalf of henderson bas. All opinions are 100% mine.

Hey black metal fans, who here likes sandwiches? I know me and Satan do! Get on board, eat one of eleven different types of microwaveable meat and win a trip to Las Vegas to see the big game on Game Day!

Surely you jest, you must be thinking. What is this game of which you speak? The only game I like is tricking people into selling their souls to the dark lord. Well, evil ones, the game I speak of is FOOTBALL! If you eat Bistro Crustini sandwiches, you can win air fare for two, five days and four nights at a deluxe hotel (just like in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas), chauffeured limousine service, two tickets to a big show, and $1,500 spending money!

If you’re like me you like to eat delicious sandwiches, and now you have even more reason to chow down on corn fed bovines and flu spewing swine. Don’t worry, there are still more prizes. How would you like to listen to Hell Hammer on your very own...Home Theatre System!?! You’ll be able to watch Gaahl on blu-ray, it’ll be like sitting in the dungeon with a deranged lunatic – in your very own home! Not only that, if you eat these delicious microwaveable meat and cheese concoctions you’re also eligible for a weekly draw to win a digital camera!

By the way, you won’t be trying to read the fine print by the glare of a burning church two years from now – it’s INSTANT WIN!

Remember, only one entry per person, and your spirit guide counts as you. This contest is only for residents of Canada. You don’t need to worship Satan to apply, nor do you need to be able to count to 11.

Game Day

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British Airwaves are having a gigantic seat sale!

by on Nov.12, 2009, under I'm poor

If there was anywhere in the world you could go, imagine that. In the whole wide world. Whoa!
That’s a lot of places to go, especially because the world is so big. You need an airplane to go and fly around the world in. They are expensive, so what you should do it go on the British airways website and get a cheap flight. If you were flying to Canada, that would be like, mucho savings.

I’d like to fly around the world, but my butt would sure get sore after a long flight like that. In fact, I’d go so far as to say I’d like to fly around the world in stages, and make stops every so often to see whats going on, you know? Stop here and there and be like, “Hey man, sup Yo?”

If you wanted to fly from Toronto to Maldives, it would only cost you $928! Unbelievable! I didn’t even know there was a place called that! You might not want to go there, because I’m pretty sure a country like that would smell like those pimentos you find in cheap olives. Start with Toronto to London, it’s only $386 for a round trip. If you’re from Montreal you can even bring eggs to throw at Prince Charles. What fun!

This is a great deal, and you should be sure to purchase your tickets before Novemeber 19th 2009 to get in on the savings. Oh yeah, did I mention movies? There are over 200 movies available in their On-Demand entertainment. That’s a lot of watching, you’d need to fly around the world twice to watch that many movies, and I ain’t fooling around this time. While you’re flying around the world be sure to enjoy sitting in comfortable, ergonomic seats with lumbar support. You’re butt will hardly be sore at all. If your feet are prone to swelling up and looking all weird they even have flight socks to keep your veins in your feet.
Just remember to book by November 19th, or this offer will no longer fly.

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True Norwegian Black Metal

by on Mar.16, 2009, under Documentary, Evil

This is a very entertaining little doc about the Norwegian Black Metal scene, focusing mainly on the infamous Gaahl, lead singer of Gorgoroth. If you’re not familiar with Gaahl, you may remember him from his interview in the film ‘Metal: A Headbangers Jouney.’ When asked what his musical inspiration was he paused, and with his trademark deadpan delivery replied, ‘Satan.’ See An Interview with Mayhem for a clip.

Be sure to watch the final clip in the series, where the interviewer asks one too many dopey questions (approx 6:30).

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To watch the complete series go to the Music World page @ VBS.TV

We went to Norway to interview Gaahl, lead singer of the band Gorgoroth. Gaahl really believes in this whole ideology behind what he’s doing—he’s not just some rockstar fronting a band. The thing with Black Metal is, in Norway, everybody is exactly the same. There’s nothing to rebel against, because everybody’s really well off. It’s one of the richest countries in Europe. There is no lower class, it’s like middle-class white kids everywhere—no one has anything to complain about. And he’s this sort of eccentric figure amidst this sea of contentment and sameness. The way I see it is, in America you have guys like 50 Cent who are supposed to be the “villain.” Kids like him cause they’re parents hate him, and that’s basically what Gaahl is. He’s their musical villain so to speak. But there’s a lot of different sides to the scene.

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Tribute: A Rocumentary

by on Feb.06, 2009, under Cover Bands and Tribute Artists

It should come as no surprise that I love tribute artists and bands. Ever since I saw my first Elvis impersonator I’ve held a strange fascination for these artists. I’ve seen more than my fair share of acts, more than a well-adjusted, grounded, all-around great person like myself should admit to.

The biggest kick I get from attending these shows is talking to members of the bands. Pretend Jim Morrison played the part onstage, and off and acted like a pretentious, spaced out acid head. He was a make-believe hippy poet! There stands the difference between cover bands and tribute acts, cover bands play the music – tribute acts metamorph into the artist in varying degrees. For some its only onstage, for others it begins take over their lives. The latter are the ones I love.

So, I was pretty happy when I stumbled across the old tv documentary “Tribute: A Rockumentary.” This follows four different acts; KISS, The Monkees, Queen and Judas Priest, over the period of about two years. The movie was kind of hacked together, and the storylines were jumbled and hard to follow at times, but overall it was worth the watch. I was expecting it to follow these people around and show how ridiculous their lives were and have a good laugh, but it went deeper and showed how much work goes into putting together a good tribute act, the trials and tribulations of faux stardom, mental illness, delusions, success, primadonnas…and how ridiculous they are.

The oddest part for me were the interviews with ‘Superfan,’ the self described biggest Queen fan in the world. Superfan is so infatuated with the Queen tribute act ‘Sheer Heart Attack’ that he gets so nervous he can’t eat on the days when this band is playing. When the lead singer moves to Germany, the guys world falls apart around him.

All of the bands were pretty good, but my favorite had to have been the guy who played Mike Nesmith in the Monkee’s tribute act, ‘The Missing Links.’ Apparently he started this band with another guy who screwed him over. The band had a bad break up, and he quit playing music for a year. During one interview he explained how during that time if he picked up his guitar he’d just cry. Finally he got together with a couple of former bandmates, found a new Davey Jones, and put together a new act which lasted two or three rehearsals. The entire time, cursing The Missing Links. The hatred brewing in this guy was unreal, every sentence seemed to end with, ‘…Not like the Fucking Missing Links!” It freaked out the new fake Davey Jones enough to send him packing.

It could have been better, but who cares. If you like this sort of thing you’ll like this movie.

I don’t know where you can find a copy, but here are two great clips to check out.
The first is KISS tribute Larger Than Life auditioning for a new Gene Simmons. The second clip shows former members of The Missing Links rehearsing for the first time with their new outfit : Head.

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Andy Kaufman-I’m From Hollywood

by on Jan.20, 2009, under Comedy, Documentary, Wrestling

I’m from Hollywood is a one hour documentary outlining Andy Kaufman’s brilliant, if career killing foray into professional wrestling. If you haven’t yet seen it, its worth the watch just for his promos taunting southern folks with instructions on how to use soap, or the chance to see Kaufman strutting around Memphis wearing a crown and singing about being the king of wrestling, while 10,000 people want to kill him.
As fun as this was to watch, it was entirely too short. There were only a few promos, and for some reason the producers didn’t include the infamous David Letterman appearance (seen here unedited) where he enticed Jerry Lawler to bitch slap him while wearing a neck brace (recreated perfectly in Jim Carrey’s biopic Man on the Moon).

Thanks to the kindness of strangers, here’s a youtube playlist containing the entire documentary:

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Diarrhea of the Dead

by on Jan.09, 2009, under Horror

You heard right, George A Romero has a new zombie movie in the works!

Finally, a sequel to Diary of the Dead. A sequel nobody wanted… A film so full or horror nobody watched it. What? Oh sorry, so full of horrible. I’m being a dick, Romero invented the genre. Dawn of the Dead still stands as one of the formative film experiences of my life. Hell, I even liked the remake.

Diary had a good story, some great lines, and a lot of really good gory action. My beef with was with the suspension of belief factor, the one you need to really enjoy a movie like this, felt like it had been brutally raped…and the acting stunk. Usually those are the two things I really enjoy while watching a horror movie! It probably all boils down to unreasonably high expectations on my part. Whaddyagonnado?

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The Bush Dodging Shoes Dance

by on Dec.16, 2008, under Comedy, Elvis, Hecklers

Dominating the news cycle this morning is this video clip from U.S. president George Bush’s visit to Iraq yesterday, when a Iraqi journalist Muntazer al-Zaidi from Al-Baghdadia television network hurled both his shoes at Bush during a press conference. This quickly disintegrated into a decadent orgy of dance, as the spirit of Elvis took over GW’s body. The horrific results can be seen here:

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Guitar Heroes #9 – Jake E Lee

by on Dec.03, 2008, under Guitar Heroes

This is Jake E Lee, Axemaster extraordinaire. His credentials include 80′s metal monsters Ratt and Rough Cut, as well as shredding it out for Ronnie James Dio and Badlands. He is probably most famous for salvaging Ozzy’s Diary of a Madman tour after Randy Rhodes untimely death. No small feat, filling those shoes. He stayed on with Ozzy and recorded the killer Bark at the Moon album. Without further ado, here’s Jake slaying them on a 1983 tour with Ozzy.

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Black Metal Prank Call

by on Nov.17, 2008, under Evil

This is what happens when its are unclear about what sort of guitarist you’re trying to find for your black metal band.

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Apparently this was pulled off by The Original Pranksta.

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I’m here to put the Dick back in Dixie

by on Nov.04, 2008, under Original Artists

Hank III telling it like it is, what more is there to say?
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Metal Elvis

by on Oct.17, 2008, under Cover Bands and Tribute Artists, Elvis

It’s Elvis! It’s Guns’N'Roses! Its…

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The True story of The Strangers, part two.

by on Sep.06, 2008, under Horror, The Strangers

The Strangers has been causing a lot of controversy for its alleged true story angle. Comparing the film to the facts (see: Keddie Cabin Murders -vs- The Strangers) hopefully helped to clear up a few misconceptions, although even if it did, it probably didn’t help anybody sleep better at night because of it.

This movie was inspired by true events, as opposed to being based on true events. What this means in Hollywood lingo, inspired by allows the directors imagination run rampant while implying everything portrayed is true, whereas based on is supposedly based on fact, albeit with a few embellishments (and usually a love interest). When interviewed about The Strangers, director Bryan Bertino said his main inspiration for the story was Helter Skelter: The True Story of the Manson Murders.
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Hey Jude, Baby

by on Aug.04, 2008, under Cover Bands and Tribute Artists

I never thought anything could make this song listenable!
Well, I was wrong. Briefly.

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Extreme Elvis

by on Jul.01, 2008, under Cover Bands and Tribute Artists

GG Allin meets Elvis Presley in the fever dreams of Artaud.

Extreme Elvis is possibly the greatest living Elvis tribute artist alive today. If he’s still living, that is. His site was permanently shut down years ago by the FBI and Homeland Security for copy write infringement and other heinous crimes…or was it? Reality becomes a blur. Aside from a few online interviews, a story in Gigs From Hell and fading memories of the fascinating biography from his old site, nothing remains but a small handful of unforgettable performances which remain seared into my brain.

Extreme Elvis burst on the about scene eight years ago, leaving a trail of carnage, urine stained blue suede shoes, feces soaked mikes and broken hearts. What happened to him? Was he taken out by some muscle from the Memphis Mafia? Did he self destruct in a delirious haze of fame? Is he living in obscurity in Hollywood, appearing randomly on bagels or treating unsuspecting locals with the occasional sighting in the Midwest? I don’t claim to know, I just wish he’d reignite the faltering Elvis scene with his brilliant interpretation.

Below are clips of two of my favorite E.E. performances. They’re actually quite tame compared to the rest of the existing performances which can be found on his
old video page, including a legendary full length performance at the Covered Wagon from 2001. I’ve saved them in case they suddenly disappear as well, and recommend you do the same. Be aware that these videos aren’t work safe, so quit your crappy job. In fact, they’re probably not safe for any situation or location. Please enjoy responsibly, or better yet – don’t. Go on with your life and be happy with Elvis Karaoke on Tuesday nights at the Bingo Hall, unhampered by the reality of these powerful and emotionally charged renditions. You cannot unsee this.
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Keddie Cabin Murders -vs- The Strangers

by on Jun.03, 2008, under Horror, The Strangers


So I wrote earlier that The Strangers was based on the true story of the Keddie Cabin Murders. Well, there are some fallacies that should be cleared up. There were unsolved murders at Keddie Cabin, this much is true. Its also true that the murders are still unsolved.

But thats about where the ‘true story’ angle ends. Truth is stranger, and more disturbing, than ‘based on truth.’ There were four murders in cabin 28 that night. Glenna Sharp, her 15 year old son John and 17 year old family friend Dana Wingate were found beaten and stabbed the next morning by Glenna’s 14 year old daughter Sheila, who luckily spent the night with a friend. Thirteen year old Tina Sharp was missing from the cabin, and her decapitated remains were discovered three years later, buried 95 miles away. Her other two sons and another friend, all toddlers, were spared and found hiding in a separate room.
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