Create a Kids Movie with Moviestorm and you could win an amazing $2k Mac!

Moviestorm

Moviestorm Challenge

This is a Sponsored Post written by me on behalf of Moviestorm. All opinions are 100% mine.

Have you ever wanted to create your own digitally animated movie, and then suddenly remember that you didn’t go to school to study digital animation, you can’t draw, you have little money and no visual ideas? Sure, who hasn’t? As you sit slumped in your seat on the crowded subway with your fading hopes dashed upon the shores of reality, you still cling stubbornly to this dream. This desire is eating you away inside. This fire, which compels you to create, spurs you to reach higher and higher…

And then you look down at the poorly rendered stickman animation you’ve spent the past six months working on. You realize you’re near the end, because your 300 page flip book is rapidly running out of paper, yet when you preview your master work, ‘Man walking, ball bouncing,’ you realize there must be another way. Well thankfully, there is.

INT. LOUNGE – NIGHT
ENTER: MOVIESTORM, a stunningly handsome virtual movie studio which has everything you need to make animated movies in the comfort of your own home. Moviestorm is a subscription based animation service that costs only $8 a month. Try out the free version for Mac or PC.

MOVIESTORM:

I’m here to rent you some unique content.

VILLAIN

What, like some crappy rubber robots? Beat it before I blow your fool head off!

MOVIESTORM:

Why you dirty… No you drooling degenerate, you can get any kind of content you want. Horror, cop shows, music videos, science fiction, even romance. From where I’m standing, the only way you’ll ever see romance is if you make it up yourself. Check out the unique content rental system.

VILLAIN:

I prefer using a paper and pencil to draw bouncing balls. I find technology strange and confusing; in fact it makes me uncomfortable.

MOVIESTORM:

Don’t be an idiot, Moviestorm is fun and easy to use. Check out these tutorial videos and you’ll realize even a shmuck like you can function in a modern society.

As MOVIESTORM turns around to leave, the evil villain raises his gun, aiming for the back of his head.
CUT TO COMMERCIAL

So, quit standing around bellyaching, and go win a MAC.

Tony’s Pizza

This is a Sponsored Post written by me on behalf of Tony’s Pizza. All opinions are 100% mine.

I know in the past I’ve spoken ill of, perhaps even mentioned derisively in passing conversation that frozen pizza was created by a demon named Mealphegor. He is known to seduce people by suggesting to them prefabricated pork laced products rich in saturated fats.

This was before I discovered Tony’s Frozen Pizza! I was recently awarded some coupons to sample some of this fine fare for free. Instantly I suspected that Mealphegor was behind it, and regarded this unforeseen boon as one might look upon a cursed monkey’s paw, or even worse, a treasure troll. Luckily for all of us this was not the case. The source was not only substantiated as decidedly ‘non-evil,’ it turned out to be one of the greatest discoveries of my lifetime.

Tony’s Pizza is full of cheesy goodness. I invited several friends over to watch the bowling playoffs, and the party really got started when these crispy marvels were served. I was the toast of the evening. Everybody loves this pizza, it’s got a taste that even kids can’t get enough of. The pepperoni was full of pep, The Supreme was aptly named, and the Meat Trio turned me from a zero into a hero! I’m pretty sure it was the pizza and not the seven cans of Yankee Jim. At any rate, who needs another hero when you’ve got free pizza.

This is the perfect pizza to take to sporting events, to watch TV with, to impress a first date, to smile at yourself in the mirror beside, and to give away for free on this blog. That’s right, the first five people who make comments here will be award coupons for a free Tony’s Pizza, no strings attached! Movie night will never be the same!

Now, I know that this sounds too good to be true, but it is.

I also know that you must think Mealphegor is trying to lure you to his realm. Well don’t worry, we all know that this creature can’t write his name backwards. Rogehplaem. Now the only thing trying to seduce you will be the cheesy, crusty goodness of a fresh baked frozen pizza. So stop trying to banish me, and start leaving comments if you want to get your coupon for a free Tony’s Pizza in the mail today.

SANYO Incognito

This is a Sponsored Post written by me on behalf of Boost Mobile. All opinions are 100% mine.

What’s even better than contracting malaria? The SANYO Incognito™ SCP6760! Malaria is an infection insect borne disease which is kills between one and three million people a year, and there’s no vaccination! Instead of wasting your time hanging around a walk-in clinic waiting for a booster shot that doesn’t even exist, head over to Boost Mobile and for only $129.99 (excluding taxes) you can get the new SANYO Incognito, with free shipping when purchased through this link!

There is no monthly contract required, and a Monthly unlimited talk, text and web plan is only $50. Just think; no contract, no malaria! But this is more than just some high falutin’ mosquito net, this phone has a 2MP camera with a VGA camcorder, a music and video player and enhanced web browsing. This thing even has EVDO (3G mobile broadband technology) capabilities and a full QWERTY keyboard (that’s like a full keyboard for miniature people). Stay connected with your favourite social media networking sites; get the scoop on where the next contagious virus outbreak is happening! Share pictures and videos of potentially hazardous insects with Multi-Media messaging. Listen to CNN for the latest plagues with the Stereo Bluetooth features. You can even track how close the next swarm of killer bees and locust infestation is using GPS!

The SANYO Incognito™ SCP6760 is not only a cool phone and multimedia device; it can also potentially save your life. Malaria is known to be widely associated with poverty, but is also thought to be a cause of poverty and a hindrance to economic development. Bearing these important factors in mind, disregard the buzz of the deadly culicidae and let your mind drift far from the hideous effects of fever, shivering, arthralgia, vomiting, anemia, hemoglobinuria, retinal damage, and convulsions caused by this pathogen, and instead focus your thoughts on the buzz created by this masterful marvel of modern ingenuity, extend your life and enjoy the freedom associated with surviving the onslaught of pestilence while updating your facebook status in the safety and security of your survivalist position.

This is a Sponsored Post written by me on behalf of LG Chocolate Touch. All opinions are 100% mine.

Imagine this: your sitting on the throne and suddenly have the desire to update your Myspace status. Even worse, you are crippled by a blinding need to listen to the theme song from Friends in crystal-clear, high quality Dolby sound while simultaneously recording and editing beautiful videos and surfing the web for information about peculiar rashes.

In the olden days the only walls you could write on while using the latrine were the ones surrounding you, already covered with phone numbers and crude drawings of the male anatomy. Today, with the help of the LG Chocolate Touch you can write on almost any Facebook wall in the universe whilst Tweeting and floating chocolate boats.

If I had an LG Chocolate Touch, I would get rid of all my other mobile devices, including my shoe-phone and tinfoil hat. One of the greatest features of this fantastic new phone is that it vibrates to the rhythm of the beat. This means, if your rocking out to the sweet and sexy jams of The Fresh Prince, so is your hand! Not only that, it’s also got cool visual effects and one touch keys for instant access to your blogs, social media platforms, and it even has a phone!

Your life would be so easy if you had something like this, it would be like you’d died and been reincarnated as a solid gold porcupine. I know my life would change forever if I had one. Alas, until that day arrives I can only hope and dream of Touching LG Chocolate from my home on the Hershey Highway.

This is a Sponsored Post written by me on behalf of Club House. All opinions are 100% mine.

If you’re like me, you’ve long been fascinated by gravy, working it into your conversations at every opportunity. For example:

Ex Girlfirend: “Boo hoo hoo!”
Me: “What’s wrong dumpling?”
Ex Girlfirend: “My best friend was hit by a streetcar.”
Me: “Good Gravy! Speaking of good gravy, have you seen Club House’s new video on how to make perfect gourmet gravy? If not, watch it right now: gravy tips video!”

Obviously not everyone will admit to getting excited over gravy but trust me, everyone does. If it wasn’t true would people get nervous when it comes time to make it? Some folks get so nervous that they accidentally make gravy right in their pants. This isn’t the kind of gravy I enjoy. In fact, I frown upon it.

If you’d like to win a great gravy gift pack you should go here and sign up for the Club House gravy gift pack giveaway: newsletter sign-up and contest entry It’s like Christmas….IN DECEMBER!

One of my favorite gravy-related activities is called The Gravy Train. I got the idea from watching my ex girlfriend (a different one) fill up a gravy boat on Valentines Day. Actually, I’m barred from discussing any gravy related stories involving this particular person because of a court order forbidding public reporting or commentary. A gag-order. It’s a long story, let’s just say there were some lumps and I’ll stop right there.

Hopefully you’ve learned something useful here today about gravy. Happy holidays!

This is a Sponsored Post written by me on behalf of henderson bas. All opinions are 100% mine.

Hey black metal fans, who here likes sandwiches? I know me and Satan do! Get on board, eat one of eleven different types of microwaveable meat and win a trip to Las Vegas to see the big game on Game Day!

Surely you jest, you must be thinking. What is this game of which you speak? The only game I like is tricking people into selling their souls to the dark lord. Well, evil ones, the game I speak of is FOOTBALL! If you eat Bistro Crustini sandwiches, you can win air fare for two, five days and four nights at a deluxe hotel (just like in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas), chauffeured limousine service, two tickets to a big show, and $1,500 spending money!

If you’re like me you like to eat delicious sandwiches, and now you have even more reason to chow down on corn fed bovines and flu spewing swine. Don’t worry, there are still more prizes. How would you like to listen to Hell Hammer on your very own...Home Theatre System!?! You’ll be able to watch Gaahl on blu-ray, it’ll be like sitting in the dungeon with a deranged lunatic – in your very own home! Not only that, if you eat these delicious microwaveable meat and cheese concoctions you’re also eligible for a weekly draw to win a digital camera!

By the way, you won’t be trying to read the fine print by the glare of a burning church two years from now – it’s INSTANT WIN!

Remember, only one entry per person, and your spirit guide counts as you. This contest is only for residents of Canada. You don’t need to worship Satan to apply, nor do you need to be able to count to 11.

Game Day

If there was anywhere in the world you could go, imagine that. In the whole wide world. Whoa!
That’s a lot of places to go, especially because the world is so big. You need an airplane to go and fly around the world in. They are expensive, so what you should do it go on the British airways website and get a cheap flight. If you were flying to Canada, that would be like, mucho savings.

I’d like to fly around the world, but my butt would sure get sore after a long flight like that. In fact, I’d go so far as to say I’d like to fly around the world in stages, and make stops every so often to see whats going on, you know? Stop here and there and be like, “Hey man, sup Yo?”

If you wanted to fly from Toronto to Maldives, it would only cost you $928! Unbelievable! I didn’t even know there was a place called that! You might not want to go there, because I’m pretty sure a country like that would smell like those pimentos you find in cheap olives. Start with Toronto to London, it’s only $386 for a round trip. If you’re from Montreal you can even bring eggs to throw at Prince Charles. What fun!

This is a great deal, and you should be sure to purchase your tickets before Novemeber 19th 2009 to get in on the savings. Oh yeah, did I mention movies? There are over 200 movies available in their On-Demand entertainment. That’s a lot of watching, you’d need to fly around the world twice to watch that many movies, and I ain’t fooling around this time. While you’re flying around the world be sure to enjoy sitting in comfortable, ergonomic seats with lumbar support. You’re butt will hardly be sore at all. If your feet are prone to swelling up and looking all weird they even have flight socks to keep your veins in your feet.
Just remember to book by November 19th, or this offer will no longer fly.

Nothing fills people with dread more than the words ‘based on a true story.’
It was this claim that instilled absolute terror at the mere mention of Amityville. Even the director of the live action Scooby Doo movie scored a huge horror hit with his remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, which was based on the original TCM movie instead of the story of Edward Gein. As far from the truth as that movie was, it still served to scare the hell out of a lot of people. I’ll admit the original still freaks me out. But that’s horror.
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I never felt the urge to see Super Size Me. That movie always seemed like a cheap shot at a faltering giant. ‘Wow, nothing negative has ever been said about McDonald’s before, what an original idea!’ What’s next, Smoking: It may or may not be good for you! I read Fast Food Nation, even before it became a movie starring Avril Lavigne. I read Slaughterhouse: The Shocking Story of Greed, Neglect, and Inhumane Treatment Inside the U.S. Meat Industry. Well, I read the book flap in the store. Needless to say, Super Size Me seemed like a waste of time for someone as knowledgeable and in tune with the world as me.
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A few nights ago I was watching TV with my girlfriend when a trailer for the new film The Stone Angel came on. My mind raced during that thirty second slot. I began to feel angry that somebody had remade this awful movie. Admittedly, I occasionally get stone and cement confused; this is why I lasted only one summer as a masonry apprentice. Somehow I had mistaken it for ‘The Cement Garden’ by smarmy englishman Ian Mcewan. This was a book that, to put it mildly, I didn’t love. After reading it I threw it from the window of a moving bus. Don’t worry, crap is biodegradable.
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