If You Seek Amy Destroys America

Christians across America have been under siege since Britney Spears new song was released. “If you go to church, you’d better watch out!” Susie McBread, chairperson of the Parents Television Council warns, “That song is like getting fucked in the ass by Satan!”

The catchy little ditty has been causing chaos amongst God-fearing citizens not only in the Promised Land of America, but around the globe. In Rome, an eleven year old girl suddenly began spurting blood from her ears when the song was heard from a passing car. More recently it was reported that five grade eight children exploded after they downloaded the song from an illegal website named Itunes.

The song in question is Spears new single, “If U Seek Amy.” According to PTC president Tim Winter, “There is no misinterpreting the lyrics to this song, and it’s certainly not about a girl named Amy.” An enraged Winter claims that if you say the title of the song fast enough, it sounds like the F-Word. “Kids turn on the radio to hear happy songs about love and shit, not hear a bunch of fucking stupid bullshit for fuck’s sake! This song sounds like the fucking F-word, and that’s so much fucking bullshit that I fucking hate it and I hate that fucking bitch for making such a fucking fucker song! FUCK!”